This my story:
I grew up with two loving and supportive parents. My little sister was born when I was seven. I grew up in a Christian home. I got saved when I was five but I didn’t truly understand what it meant. Fast forward to when I was thirteen is when I got saved and baptized. Life was great for me. I had three close friends and now a boyfriend. Life was good. Then, everything changed.
I started sleeping all the time, I quit my karate class, started feeling sad all the time. I was always a happy kid, but that changed. I had thoughts of suicide and even attempted it. I had thoughts of cutting but I never cut because I hate the sight of blood. All this went on for six months because I told my parents. I will never forget that day. I sat my mom down and said: “mom I want to cut myself.” So my parents freaked out. They had no clue what to do. I went to my doctor that Monday and spoke with a lady from a mental hospital. That day I went into a mental hospital for the first time. It was so freaked out. The doctor put me on an antidepressant and I went home a week later.
When I got home, I became manic because I was on an antidepressant without a mood stabilizer. With people who are bipolar, they HAVE to be on antidepressant and a mood stabilizer. So I was depressed, suicidal, and now manic. My mom found me a psychiatrist and a therapist. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (depression) and general anxiety. So I went back to school and was miserable. I became obsessed with my boyfriend.
Now my memory gets a little fuzzy from here. I remember was I was going to break up with my boyfriend and all my friends supported me breaking up with him. So I broke up with him but then got back together with him. I left my friends for my boyfriend. One of my friends couldn’t handle being my friend because of my mental illnesses. I lost all my friends but one and I was still with my boyfriend.
Fast forward some and I am fourteen. I am still suicidal and depressed. I haven’t talked to God since I got depressed. I end up going back into a mental hospital. I am also VERY angry so I was so mean to my family. I am still with my boyfriend.
Fast forward some more and I am fifthteen. I am still suicidal and depressed. I am still with my boyfriend. But then something happens. My boyfriend’s granddad died and my boyfriend became abusive. He would call me names (names I don’t want to repeat), his family called me names (names you don’t want to hear). He would hit me, push me into lockers at school, and tell me if I break up with him he would kill himself. So of course I stayed with him. Now I am being abused and still haven’t told my parents. I end going back to a mental hospital for the third time now. But that summer I finally end it with my boyfriend. YAY!
Now I am sixteen going into my tenth grade year in school. I start dating another boy. He is not a Christian and honestly I did NOT need to be dating him. I was very far away from God and very depressed. I end up having sex with him. I still regret doing that, to this day. But we end up breaking up. I was a little sad but not too bad. Now I am so miserable. I am still suicidal and depressed. But one night I make a deal with my mother. That if I go into a mental hospital, she will pull me out of school and homeschool me. The next day I go to a mental hospital for the fourth and final time. When I get out of the hospital, I finally start to get better. I go see a new doctor who diagnosed me with bipolar type 1, major depressive disorder (depression), general anxiety, and social anxiety. I love my doctor, therapist, love being homeschooled, and I start to get better. I haven’t talked to God in years but then I start going to a new church. I join the church’s worship team and rededicate my life to God. Thing are going good.
Now I am eighteen and I start to get depressed again. I become suicidal and depressed. I don’t end up going to mental hospital. YAY! I graduate high school which is a HUGE thing for me because I never thought I would live to see that day.
I am nineteen. I am still depressed and suicidal. I am on a TON of medicines. I am still seeing a therapist and a doctor. I am not starting college in fall because I need to get better first. When I see my doctor in two weeks I go get ECT treatments so I can get better. But thankfully, I am so close to God. I am single and plan on being single. Now I am writing and focusing on getting better. I am still depressed and suicidal but I will NEVER give up.
After ECT treatments I start to get better! Yay but then, everything changes. I start to have physical pain: body hurts, back hurts, legs hurt, and I am in constant and unbearable pain. I go to doctor after doctor and about a year of not knowing what is going wrong with me: I get diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It is a kick in the gut. I struggle with depression due to being in constant physical pain. I try a ton of medicines and none of them work. I go to a chiropractor and it does work. I go gluten free and sugar free. I get massages and they help for a while but then I go back to pain.
Currently: I am 20 and still in constant physical pain. I still struggle with depression but it’s much better. I am finally close with God. I am in college and major in English.
So that’s my story on another post I go into more about what I am struggling with currently but I hope you enjoyed!❤️
Thank you so much for reading! I love you so much❤️